OH BIOSPHERE, BIOSPHERE! WE HARDLY KNEW YE!

I’m not generally one for omens, portents and the threat of curses, but the more I look back over the Local Board elections the more I see a pattern forming. A sort of ghastly jinx hovering over the whole affair that makes me think someone should d

o a head count at the sports park gates and see if any black roosters have mysteriously disappeared in recent weeks.

I refer of course to the Biosphere proposal. Like some terrible stink bomb, this idea seems to have spattered anyone who even got close to it and marked them as entirely unelectable. Only Denise Roche seems to have found a way to side step the curse and get elected despite her support for the idea. Was it a talisman of some sort or perhaps some kind of unguent prepared from weird magical ingredients that kept Denise safe? Whatever it was she clearly kept the secret to herself.

Looking at the pasting poor Colin Beardon took last week puts me in mind of those excruciating clips one sees on Youtube from time to time. They usually involve motorcycle stuntmen, mountain bikers or downhill skiers. The ones where some heroic chap starts off on some ill thought out venture involving high speed and inadequate protective clothing. It all starts off fine then suddenly everything explodes into a whirling mess of indignity and compound limb fractures.

And so it was with Colin Beardon. His proposal, built up over a couple of years with such meticulous care, proved to be political suicide. Yet was it really THAT dumb an idea? Certainly making it his entire platform wasn’t that smart, especially when we consider Mr Beardon’s undoubted intelligence and energy which could have been turned to various other considerations to good effect.

At the start of the campaign I was quite prepared to pour scorn on the UNESCO stuff. Too much too soon, wrong idea at the wrong time etc. Yet despite myself I was impressed by Mr Beardon’s professorial manner, his calm delivery and fine grasp of local issues. And while I was far from convinced that anything that combined the UN with Waiheke Island was a good idea, I did at least think it deserved some discussion once the Super

city mess had settled down a bit.

But no. Down it went in flames taking several other candidates with it including the highly electable Andy Spence whose exclusion from this Board will, I believe, come to be seen as the biggest mistake this island has made in ages.

Before I leave this subject however, I’d like to draw your attention to a most interesting article that appeared in the Waiheke Marketplace. You can find it here;

http://www.stuff.co.nz/auckland/local-news/waiheke-marketplace/4059464/Batting-for-a-biosphere

Note how Jo Holmes, Faye Storer and Don McKenzie dismiss the idea. So far so good. But the plot thickens as we reach Jim Hannan’s quote. In the archived online article he states; “I have absolutely no faith in the United Nations.”
Fair enough. The UN can be seen by many as a perfect example of the limitations of committees. While a good idea in principal its actual performance in the real world leaves a bit to be desired.

But, any of you who can dig up a copy of the original newspaper will be fascinated to see what he said next. I myself held on to a copy, so allow me to reproduce for you what Mr Hannan ORIGINALLY said. Ready?
Quoth he; “What I do find difficult to understand is that a group of people who did not want to become part of Auckland City would align themselves with an organisation that is about one world government. I find that utterly bizarre.”
Oh dear oh dear. He lost any chance he might ever have had of getting my vote when he said something so amazingly stupid. ‘One World Government’? When you find anyone uttering that phrase you can be pretty sure that the speaker may also hold unusual views on subjects as diverse and outré as faked moon landings, black helicopters, Freemasons, Illuminati and Bohemian Grove owl worshippers. I tried to ask him about this on the radio website but he ignored me.
Leaving aside the fact that anyone who REALLY knows what’s going on can tell you that it’s ROTARIANS who are trying to establish domination through one world government, we are left with the question of why this quote was edited out of the online archive. Did the Marketplace decide to remove it or did Paranoid Jim insist on a spot of spin doctoring after the fact?
I think we should be told.

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Guest writer Alan Knight reflects on the aftermath of the election.
Now that the election results are in and the surprising outcome is becoming apparent, the people I am most interested to watch are the professional doomsayers. The bleating, permanently depressed types who have, for the last few months clogged up the comments sections of the Herald with their gloomy nonsense about the real meaning of the Supercity.

You know the ones I mean. The ones who start each comment with variations on the theme of; “Now that Democracy has been destroyed in Auckland……” before rambling on about the likelihood of John Banks being allowed to bulldoze their homes with them still inside while Rodney Hide sells their children off to be made into pet food.

Where are these people now? Are they happy with the outcome that has left the ‘Corruption & Rorts’ party in tatters and Len Brown sitting in the Big Chair draped in Mayoral Bling? Are they flushing away their Prozac prescriptions and using thoughts of Mike Lee’s majority to keep them happy instead?

Somehow I doubt it. When sundry millenialist types trudge back down from whatever hill top they had chosen to sit out yet another postponed apocalypse you never see them looking happy at their deliverance. Quite the opposite in fact. But then again, if you’ve spent the last week giving away your worldly goods it’s going to be a bit awkward going to ask the neighbours if you can have your sofa back.

Our doomsayers probably never took their fervour quite that far and a good thing too. But where are these people now and what are they thinking? Are they glad that enough of their fellow voters looked long and hard at the issues and voted against the asset stripping of the city? Or is it possible that deep in their gloomy little hearts a C&R landslide was what they craved?

When you’ve nursed that chip on your shoulder for long enough is there not a chance that you might miss it if it were somehow brushed away by some well meaning person? When that cloud of self righteous gloom that’s kept you in its shadow since you first joined the Student Union all those years ago suddenly gets dispersed, do you then moan that you don’t have the right sort of sunglasses to keep the unaccustomed glare from your squinting eyes?

If you have any sense then no, you don’t. But since when was sense the main priority among the bleating Sheeple?


My advice right now is GET OVER IT. Enjoy the moment. Open a bottle of something nice and get the neighbours round to help you drink it. Then, tomorrow morning remember how lucky you are and think of ways to keep that luck running. After all, its not every day you get given a whole city.

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